Monday, January 7, 2013

Petition to Stop Calling Large Smartphones 'Phablets'

'Phablet.' It isn't the sound a French horse makes when it's trying to puke. It isn't some seventies disco band obsessed with pharmaceuticals. It's the disgusting, ugly name tech journalists insist on giving to large-screened smartphones. This just isn't right.

These incredible devices, such as the Samsung Galaxy Note II, deserve better. Imagine if laptop computers were called 'Crotchlochettes.' A sick, sad world where video game consoles were called 'Dhraksoles.' A world where you sat down in your office, fired up your 'Towrocessor,' loaded your 'Opercodisystex,' and then browsed the 'Visueractive Pertexnetual Hyperdiaper.'

I mean, come on!

A few years back, when these systems only existed in the R&D phase, I naively thought I was inventing them for a scifi book that I have mercifully decided not to make available. I called the technology 'Phonetabs' in the book. A less ugly name, but not one I'm married to. I just hate 'phablets.'

I took a stand against this hideous word by again referring to a 'phonetab' in my new novella, Emergent Pattern. You, too, can do your part.

Please 'sign the petition' by leaving a comment below. We'll make sure that the likes of CNET, Engadget, Gizmodo, and whoever else bandies the 'Phablet' term around start to realize they have precious few months of time to reverse this disgusting misnomer before the awful, choking-horse sounding word is ubiquitous.  Stamp out ugly words before they start, and sign the petition!

28 comments:

  1. Legit the funniest, most awful word I've heard all day. Reminds of me the word "phlegm"; like someone just snorted it right out of their throat and decided it was the best thing ever. But still....lolz-worthy.

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  2. Phablet is what I call the bartender after he cuts me off.

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  3. Phablet! Bless you!

    I like "phonetab" much better.

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  4. Maybe if they were really, really good, they would be called "fablets"

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  5. Sounds like a medical device. One I would not want near me.

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  6. Awesome article.

    -Zack

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  7. Yeah, name makes me feel like throwing up.

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  8. Why can't we call them T'ones? By the way I have one, it's a tablet, and it does phone calls , i call it a tablet , that is all

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  9. Don't like Phablet, but the word "panties" is far worse. Makes me cringe everytime I hear it. I can imagine a pedophile jerking off in the corner repeating the word.

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  10. To be quite honest, Troy, I like your words better and so will use them from this day forward. Mainly just to see the looks I get when I ask if they have Visueractive Pertexnetual Hyperdiaper service, and do so with a perfectly straight face and serious tone. You've brought me hours of entertainment once again!

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  11. I agree, phablet is an abomination and will never take hold. The evolution of mobile devices has brought us to the point where we now have have one universal device that comes in three sizes. The small size we call a phone. The large size we calla tablet. The medium size, I propose we call a mini (minitab would work but I think usage over time would shorten that to mini). It's just that simple. In the end the masses will decide.

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  12. sounds like something the creative director of the worst but most egotistical ad agency on the planet came up with while overdosing on sycophancy. it ranks right up there, or down there I guess, with that other vomit inducer, amazeballs. bleurgh!

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  13. Whoever invented the "word", which i won't even bother to reproduce here needs a hammerlet taking to their headlet!
    And to think that people get paid for thinking up such stuff. It's cringeworthy.

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  14. Phablets can Phuck Off.

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  15. The IT industry is repleat with ugly words, Like 'Webinar', 'Infotainment' ect... If those aren't bad enough, we've also got to deal with the Teletubbies infantile IT speak using words like 'Lappy', 'Proggy' and 'Mobo'.

    Now they have invented their latest flavour of crapword for a form factor device called the 'Phablet'. Kind of makes you want snort each time the sales assistant refers to it as a 'PHABLET'. If they insist on calling it a 'Phablet', I think I'll refer to it as a 'KNOB'.

    'No, I am not interested in seeing your KNOB'

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  16. i like minitabs - and phonetabs - as someone who's about to pick up the galaxy note 2, i REFUSE to call it the abomination mentioned above - it will be my bada$$ phone - that also does EVERYTHING ELSE (except warcraft)

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  17. You just made me laugh really hard & force me to explain myself to strangers. Thank you :)

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  18. Phablet is an awful word, no question. But until we can come up with a viable alternative, we may be stuck with it.

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  19. Hayley Seeney (@Poister)January 26, 2013 at 6:30 PM

    I vote for Palmlet as it sounds like a tiny hand or small tree. But - I digress. Not phablet, just... No. It's reminiscent of something thats a little bit fab. Which in itself is a painful and condescendingly frivolous shortening of fabulous. Which is a marvellous word and it's mellifluousity has no need of shortening to something as sickly and artificial sweetener sweet as the word fab. And tablet is what? A small table etymologically. Who wants a phone table that decries phonetically "something which is a bit fab" and then has a wannabe gangster phat "ph" slapped on. Fablet/phablet.
    This irks me.

    Excuse me while I choke on my cheerios.

    *signs petition*

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  20. Why can't they just be big ass phones? That's what I said when I first saw one. well that might be *signs petition*

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  21. It doesn't even have a clear meaning- I've mercifully never heard it before, so on reading this it wasn't until I read Phonetabs that I finally worked out what the 'ph-' was meant to refer to!

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  22. Phablet sounds like Kim Kardashian's line of weight loss vitamins.

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  23. Pardon me for sounding daft, but phablet? I always called mine my cell phone or my Blackberry.

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  24. How about JumboPhon. Like Jumbotron ;)

    Works for me :)

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  25. Hate the word as well. Why not tabphone? Or why not just call it a fucking phone? Because clearly that's what it is. We can blame the increasing use of this stupid word on the meme generation. Monkey see, monkey do. Freethinkers dwindling every day.

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  26. I agee the Phonetab is infinitely better than phablet. Initially I assumed the word was ugly because of a distain for the products themselves, I now see this is not the case. I will now refer all smart devices except for actual tablets, phonetabs. Thanks Troy!!!

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  27. I agee the Phonetab is infinitely better than phablet. Initially I assumed the word was ugly because of a distain for the products themselves, I now see this is not the case. I will now refer all smart devices except for actual tablets, phonetabs. Thanks Troy!!!

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  28. Oh gods yes. "Phablet" is absolutely inexcusable.

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