Monday, November 5, 2012

Auto-Rap Winners - Lyric Sheet, Kids!

Every so often, I go out on a craziness limb and decide to offer an odd proposition. I frequently promise (or threaten, depending on how you look at it) to make a silly song if I manage to sell x or z amount of whatever ridiculous book I'm selling at the moment. (Hint: ALL of them!)

Well, last week I promised that everyone who bought my book that day would get a verse in an AutoRap song, and I came through even though I'm not sure why. It's rather embarrassing. But a promise is a promise!

Here are the lyrics to those songs along with the links. I hope you don't judge me too harshly.

You can teach a comic fan from Oldham new tricks
Like how to buy a book for a couple of quid
Fitting since the married dude has a kid
Oh, and one more thing before I forget:
Anthony Johnson is who this cool dude is

He likes football, but not the kind that we got
He likes the kind that we call soccer, but really it's not
At least that's my guess judging from the fact that in Oldham
They don't play punting with the pigskin as much as they do in Wisconsin
Anthony sent me a screen of my book from his iPhone
Proving that 'Critical Incident' is a thing that this guy owns

But Anthony Johnson isn't the only one who buys my books like that
I haven't even started raving about this guy David Shakeshaft
He saw my book on Kindle and was like 'I'll gank that!'
But he didn't steal it, swipe it or swindle
He freaking paid a couple quid and loaded it up on his kindle
He cracks jokes about the library and he's got photographic taste
He also has some badass glasses to go with his badass name

And that brings us to Kerry, also known as Kaydee
She's a coulurophobe because she thinks clowns are freaky
Got that fear from a movie disputably directed by Tobe
Hooper, not Gary Cooper, Scorsese, or Jay-Z
Ever since she saw Poltergeist in the 80s
She's been terrified of clowns like they were giving her rabies

And now saved the last one but not cuz they're less
Also picking up a book: George Charles Gomez
Guy loves music, has a great dog, and cool hair
Dude puts a lot of pressure on me to do a song that's worth a man with his flair
The dude has a lovin' dog known as the muffin
The mufferluffer is cute with a muffley muzzle to boot!
He was an awesome dude who stepped up to the plate
And freaking bought my weird book, and I think that that's GREAT!

As I say, not high art. But they seemed to enjoy it. Audio: (Part One) & (Part Two)

And feel free to buy all my books sixteen times using the sidebar on the right.

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